Wisdom with Age--Star Wars fanfic

[iluvjoey]

Title: 'Wisdom with Age'
Author: Jasmine Larson                                                        
Summary: Everyone from Star Wars is getting older now......much older. Han can't even smirk anymore! Chewie doesn't do anything but read the newspaper and Luke can hardly remain upright. But, there is a call for help universe wide and our decrepit heros are needed once again! But, can they DO it? In this tale of popped-out joints, lost dentures, and forgotten catch-phrases, we find out if our favorite science fiction heroes still have it!

Rating: G acceptable for all audiences.

Warnings: No cursing, or crude humor. Just a good chuckle.

Notes from the author: 'Wisdom with Age' was my first success in writing. I always wanted to write, but this was the first thing I ever wrote that made people laugh. Looking back at it now, it's still my favorite. It's not as long or near as funny as some of my others, but it still was the first story I ever wrote. Enjoy.



                              'Wisdom with Age'                        
                                         by
                                Jasmine Larson

Han Solo shifted in his wheelchair. So what if he was getting older, he still had it. He looked over at Leia who was busy knitting and grinned.

"I feel ambitous today, sweetheart," Han said, "I think I will go and get my dentures
myself!"

Han hopped up with vigor and promptly popped out his knee.

"Ouch!" Han cried and clucthed his knee. "Everytime I do that it--ouch!--it, it hurts
me."

"Well, then don't do that, dear." Leia said with a satisfied smirk. "Next time have C-3po
do it for you."

"Oh, DEAR!" Cried the before mentioned robot. He grumbled as he looked about for Hans dentures."I seem to be made to suffer, it's my lot in life. It's not a lot, but it's my life!"

*Shudup.* Chewie mumbled from behind his newspaper.

"Ouch!!!" Leia cried as she pricked her finger on her knitting needle."Everytime I do that it--OUCH!!!--it hurts me."

Han sighed and looked for a newspaper. "Hey Chewie do you mind if I....?" Han asked as He snatched
Chewies newspaper.

*Moocher.* the overgrown teddy bear growled.

Han sat back content as he shuffled throught the newspaper. Luke hobbled (with help from his cane) into the Solos overly cluttered living room.

"Well, I wonder whats going on in the galaxy today," he said as he snatched Hans newspaper.

Han growled. "No fair, moocher."

Luke happily began shuffling through the newspaper in search of the comics.

"Oh, GOODIE!!" He exclaimed. "Garfield!" He settled down (in Hans' favorite chair) to read for hours.

Leia said "Han, you have something in your teeth."

Han took them out to see what it was. He bagan to pick his 'teeth' and whistle (which was not the easiest thing in the galaxy without teeth).

"Oh, LOOK!" Luke yelled much louder then anyone would think an 80 year old guy could.

Han sighed. "What did blondie do now?"

"No, no. There is trouble in the galaxy and we are needed once again!!!" Luke said between wheezes.

Leia exploded with laughter.

"US?!? What is there, a knitting crisis??" She gasped before she disolved into giggles once more.
 

"Great," Han said as he fitted his dentures in place. "and I don't even know how to knit."

Luke was jumping up and down now yelling: "They need us! They need us!! We can't let them down!!!"

"Wait a minute," Han said, "it really IS a knitting crisis?"

Luke was getting mad now. They could tell because he was now unmistakeablely turning red and swinging his arms around in the air.

"NO, NO, NO!!!" he yelled like a 5 year old who wasn't getting what they wanted. "The galaxy has a new villan!!! Her name is---Fee Fee the Mutant!!"

Dun dun dun

"I'm hungry." Han said matter-of-factly.

Leia rolled her eyes. "Again? I just fed you."

"Well, I don't like bran muffins!!!" Han cried indignantly.

Leia looked hurt. "But, but, you used to like them....."

Han sighed. "Yeah, before I LIVED on them!!"

"SHUDUP!!!!!!" Luke screamed.

Needless to say he had their attention.

"Now, we are going to save the galaxy and defeat Fee Fee the Mutant!!"

End Of Chapter One
* * * * * * * * * * *

Next chapter tomorrow, tell me what you think!  

[fishywishy]

Omg, rotflmao!!!!! I LOVE IT!! I couldn't stop laughing!!!
Oh, by the way, is it okay if i move this 2 off topic fanfic?

[iluvjoey]

It's ok if you move it. You like it? Cool! The next chapter will be here tomorrow!  

[Paris! :)]

yay! can't wait!  

[weird4]

rofl lol Aww man. That was funny.

[iluvjoey]

Hey weird4! YOU liked it? Let me go collect my brains.

Anyway, you guys like it? That rox MY sox!   Next chapter will be most likely tonight. Or, naw. I'll just post it right now. Just a minute, let me go get it.

[iluvjoey]

here's the next chapter(I know it's kinda short, sorry!)........



Han sat uncomfortablely in his cockpit seat. "I used to fit in this thing..." Han thought to himself.

"Why are we doing this anyway?" he asked Chewie who was sitting beside him still buried in the newspaper.

*Look!* Chewie exclaimed. *Whoopie cushions are on sale!!*

"Chewie...." Han sighed.

*Oh, um, yeah. Why are we doing this? Because Luke threatened to turn blue and faint if we didn't.*

"Oh, yeah." Han said.

Leia walked in. Leia popped out HER knee.

"Ouch!!" She yelled.

Han smirked. There was a day when he would have jumped up to see if she was ok, but now he was too afraid of popping out his OWN knee.

She walked half bent over to her seat and plopped down. She whipped out her knitting.

Luke walked(well, hobbled)in.

"I hear that Jacon married Alice last week. They looked so happy, he does EVERYTHING
for her!" Luke said as he snatched the newspaper and sat down.

Leia kicked Han."You jerk!! You don't even open the door for me anymore." She growled.

"Well," Han said as he rubbed his leg(the one she kicked), "YOU don't even feed me anymore!!!"

"Sure I do!" Leia yelled. "What do u call all those bran muffins?!"

"Prison glop." Han said under his breath as he bent down to rub his leg again.

"Well," Luke said a little too cheerfully, "we are off on another fun filled adventure!!"

Han grumbled."This time couldn't they have done it without ME?" He winced as Leia popped
her knee back in place with a loud SNAP!

"Well, we're off." Han said as he downloaded the cordinates from the navie computer to make the jump to light speed.

Then everything flashed in white and blue light and they rocketed of the stupid rock.

End Of Chapter Two
* * * * * * * * * * *

[BL]

cool lmao

its awesome so far...  

[fishywishy]

hahah! Omg, your fanfics for SW are so funny!!   Great jobbbbb

[iluvjoey]

Wow. Thanks.  

[iluvjoey]

Here is the next chapter...........


"Well, we're here. Wherever 'here' is." Han said with disgust."Oh well, I've still got it!"

Chewie chuckled. *You may still have it, but no one wants to see it!*

"Say," Leia said, "what is this Fee Fee the Mutant doing anyway?"

"Mutating." Luke said.


DUN DUN DUN


"Mutating WHAT?" Han asked as he landed his hunk of junk on the planet that Fee Fee the Mutant was appearantly wreaking havoc on at the moment.

"Everybody." Luke said matter-of-factly.

DUN DUN DUN

"WHERE IS THAT STUPID MUSIC COMING FROM?!?!" Han yelled.

"Sorry." C-3po said from the supply closet.

"And I thought locking him up would shut him up," Han mused.

"Well, lets go see how we can stop Fee Fee the Mutant." Leia sighed.


*Say,* Chewie said, *how are we going to change the people back who have already been
mutated?*


"Bad luck for them." Han chuckled."Everyone is all old now anyway."

"But what about the people who still look good?" Luke asked innocently enough.

"I'd like to shoot them just FOR looking good." Han growled.

Leia smiled. "Han, if you are STILL jealous of how good I look you would look better if you would eat your bran muffins--"


*Shudup,* Chewie growled as he snatched the newspaper, *BOTH of you.*

Luke pouted. "Can't we just go save the galaxy? PLUUULEASE???"

"Why?" Han asked.

"Because if we don't people are going to be turned into mutants!" Leia shouted.

"Better them then me!!!!" Han bellowed as he jerked a thumb at his chest.

In doing so he popped out his thumb.

"OW!" Han yelled and began sucking on his thumb.

"Oh, really." Leia sighed.

"It hurts!" Han cried. But with his thumb in his mouth it sounded more like: It hworts.

"Oh, let me see." Leia said as she yanked his thumb out of his mouth thus popping out his elbow.

"OW! OW! OW! OW!" Han cried.

"Hmmmmm." Leia mumbled as she looked at his hand. She twisted once and---SNAP!....SNAP! SNAP SNAP!...POP!

"There you are sweety!" She said as she kissed him on the cheek thus popping out his jaw.

"OW!!!!!" Han screamed.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" Leia said as she leaned forward to look at his jaw.

"NO!!! NO!!!" Han yelled. "Don't try to help me!!"

Han grimaced as he felt his jaw( which was at a slightly odd angle now).

Chewie sighed. Chewie got up and took Hans head in both paws and turned voilantly. SNAP! CRACKLE!
POP!!!!

"Thanks man," Han said as he rubbed his fitted in place jaw.

*Don't mention it,* Chewie said. But he thought to himself: "Boy that felt good! I've always wanted to do that....."

End Of Chapter Three
* * * * * * * * * * * * *

[fishywishy]

Hahaha!!!  Funniness!    Luving it

[iluvjoey]

[fishywishy]

haha!  GREAT JOB WITH THE STORY! The last part was especially funny...!  

[iluvjoey]

Thanks.   I'm gonna post another storie soon. It's a Star Wars comedy starring two characters I made up. Their names are :Skinny and Moe.

Skinny and Moe are two blondes in the market for trouble.

Skinny is in love with Han Solo and her lifes mission is to catch him and marry him. She also acts very dumb whenever she is around him because she has 'hot-guy-disorder'. Which causes her to lose her normal intelligence when she is around hot guys. She also tends to cuss every now and then.

Moe couldn't be more different. She is the logical one, the one with a head on her shoulders. She doesn't like Han Solo very much and enjoys torturing him. She has never cussed in her life, and most likely never will.